Desperately Seeking Clueless

News broke over the weekend that for the past two years, some genius has been sending threatening letters to the two synagogues in White Oak and borough police Chief Joe Hoffman.

Do you know anyone who collects old stamps, has lousy handwriting and hates Jews? Then call the White Oak police or the FBI in Pittsburgh.

I don't know the rabbis involved, but I've met Joe Hoffman, and he's not a man to trifle with. If I'm ever in White Oak and I'm getting my butt whupped in a fight, I sure hope Chief Hoffman is one of the guys who shows up.

Anyway, sending threatening letters to synagogues or churches (or anyone else, for that matter) is a sign of disturbed behavior, but sending them to the cops rises to the level of criminally stupid.

According to the news coverage (Post-Gazette, Tribune-Review Greensburg Astonisher), the sender has also enclosed white powder on a number of occasions, apparently in an attempt to make the recipients think they're receiving anthrax or some other virus bioterror agent. Cute.

The stamps used have pictures of antique toys on them that were sold in 2003, which postal inspectors think may indicate that the person writing the letters doesn't send much mail. The handwriting is a mix of childish-looking capital and lower-case letters.

The FBI speculates that whoever's sending the letters is purposely trying to disguise their handwriting, but based on the age of the stamps and the appearance of the handwriting, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it's some 70-something crazy old coot. I've gotten my share of crazy old coot mail, and that's what it looks like.

The postal police think the sender may have bought the stamps in bulk. There's something exquisitely sick about buying bulk stamps showing pictures of old toys, and then using them to send hate letters.

Seriously, if you have any information, drop a dime and stop this crackpot. The next letter they write should be from jail, or at the very least from a place with really soft walls:

• FBI Pittsburgh: (412) 432-4000
• White Oak police business office: (412) 672-9727
• U.S. Postal Inspection Service: (412) 359-7900

This has been your Dick Tracy "Crimestoppers" tip for today. Tune in your two-way wrist radio tomorrow for the Dick Tracy "Rogues' Gallery" featuring Pruneface.

Speaking of "Dick Tracy," the comic strip (which doesn't run in any of the local papers any more) turned 75 years old last week. The strip has never revealed the name of the city where he works, but I know one thing: They have a really lousy police pension fund.